blog post #4

after a day of writing, errands, and parenting, i was definitely desiring a non-alcoholic beer, as i find it does have a psychosomatic relaxing effect on me, but, alas, i didn’t have any in the fridge. there are, however, three beer-beers in the fridge, ones that have been sitting there for quite some time, as i used to keep the fridge stocked, to some degree, for band practices that were taking place in the kitchen. (since getting a storage unit, though, for practice, this has been unnecessary.)

the thought crossed my mind—o, wouldn’t it be nice, as brian wilson sang.

at the end of 2022, after finding out that i have a mild valve insufficiency in my heart, i decided to cut alcohol entirely out of my diet, as there was much writing on, at the time, the ill health impacts of drinking (for context, this pivot was after years and years of on and off again heart issues, as i had an ablation for tachycardia in 2016 and again in 2019 [these heart issues, ones related to heart racing and being stuck in a feedback loop of sorts started in 2011 with an er visit to st. mary’s with my dad at an ungodly hour]).

thinking about it now, i’m glad that i didn’t open a beer-beer tonight. sure, there’s a part of me that, without a doubt, thrives on the masochistic nature of asceticism, but, of the very little commitments that i hold to in my tenacious taurus ways, this one means a lot to me given all the anxiety-oriented experiences i went through over, well, i guess the past decade and change.

it feels nice to write about this. strange.